Let Go
by archite
Summary: Is this what they call lovesickness? It's unbelievably bitter-sweet." Allen wanted to confess but he doesn't have the courage to do so. Just what should he do so that Lenalee will notice him? And when she still doesn't, what should he do? AU/Oneshot


**Hey there, Archite here. Here's the one-shot I promised I would post up in AEE Unlimited ch3. It's not related to the story in any ways just so you know. It's AU. Hope you enjoy the fic, haha. **

* * *

She was a year older than he was. The name of the girl, Lenalee Lee, felt too sacred for a person like him to say out loud. Allen Walker mouthed the syllables of her names without making the slightest amount of sound.

It was the seniors' farewell assembly, and it was probably the last day that he would ever see the girl again. After this, he might never get the chance to see her face again. He hated himself for not having the courage to approach her and make friends with her after all this time, even though they were in the same school. His buddies, Lavi and Kanda, both knew the girl. He could have used his connections to get to know her, but he felt too shy to do so.

The girl really only talked to him twice. When he was still a sophomore, she had walked past him along the corridors and pointed out that his hair colour was interesting. Although he was embarrassed when she said that, he still managed to whisper a 'thank you' and receive a smile from her in return.

The second time they talked was a year following the first incident. It was youth day and she was the councillor who was in charge of giving out the tokens to different classes. At that time, he happened to be sitting outside the classroom with Lavi. Lavi was talking about which type of panties turned him on just when she arrived.

"Ah ! "Lavi suddenly cried out as a packet of sweets hit him on the head. "What the…" he mumbled.

Both boys looked up from where they were sitting. Allen's eyes met briefly with hers. A pretty girl with two ponytail was holding a huge bag full of sweets in individual plastic wrapping. She had thrown one of the sweets at Lavi.

"Lavi-kun, don't talk about panties so openly; you are harassing the female students. And what are you doing here anyway? Aren't you a senior?" Lenalee questioned.

"I was just telling our dear Allen-kun here about the world of the adults since Yuu went off to see the discipline master again. I was kinda bored so…" Lavi explained before he was abruptly cut off when Lenalee placed the bulky bag on his head and squatted down to their level to jab him in the ribs.

After that, she turned her attention to Allen who was seated next to him.

"So your name is Allen huh?" She held out a hand and tilted her head slightly to the side while smiling "Nice to meet you Allen-kun. Oh, may I end your name with 'kun'?"

Allen could feel his face burning up. He had read a manga called -man lately and the female lead also referred to the lead male protagonist with a 'kun' at the end (he thought they suited each other really well). When he realized this, he looked down at the ground to prevent Lenalee from seeing his blushing face.

When Allen didn't return her handshake, Lenalee reached out for his hand and shook it quickly before releasing them.

Lenalee grinned. "There's no need to be shy, Allen-kun."

Allen looked up again. Lenalee was beaming. He couldn't help but think that it was a little cute. He smiled awkwardly in return.

"Okay, I have to go now. Bye Lavi! Bye Allen-kun!" Lenalee said, as she picked up the huge bag which was resting on Lavi's head. After that, she waved at the both of them with her free hand and walked away, but with her head turned to face them.

Lavi waved back at her enthusiastically. On the other hand, Allen hesitated before deciding to wave. However, when he started to wave, he realized that she had already turned around and was going towards the next class. While Lavi resumed talking about his fetish, Allen placed his hands down sadly and thought about what had just happened.

* * *

How did he even come to like Lenalee? Even he wasn't so sure. At first, the only thing he realized was how much she resembled a classmate he had in primary school. He had a crush on that classmate as well but it was entirely one-sided. The girl hated him and ignored his existence completely as she thought that he was a loser. At first, he was quite affected by it but it soon occurred to him that a girl with such a bad attitude was probably a bad candidate to crush on as well.

Lenalee was different from his ex-crush. They were both pretty but she had a nice character in comparison and she had the most angelic voice he had ever heard. He overheard her singing as he pass by a senior's class one day. She was singing to a bunch of friends in the classroom. Her voice resounded in his body and for some reason, he even found himself tearing just from listening to it. All he could remember was the word 'kaze' from the song which means wind. Just like the wind, she had managed to sweep way into his heart.

There was a period where Lenalee had a short haircut which was extremely boy-like. Allen didn't really like it, he liked girls with longer hair but she was still Lenalee and other than her haircut, there was nothing really different about her. He soon grew accustomed to it and liked it as much as her original hairstyle. But his liking for longer-hair girls remained, so guess who was most delighted when Lenalee returned with a hairstyle which resembled a Japanese doll after the school holidays because her hair grew out. His heart goes "Ba dum" so loudly whenever he saw her that it sometimes deafens his ears.

Many a time Allen found himself repeating her name over and over in his head. It was as if his brain didn't allow him to forget about Lenalee, even for a single moment. It was the first thing he thought of when he woke up in the morning and the last thing which he thought of before he went to bed each night.

Every single assembly, his eyes would automatically divert towards her when she did her prefect duties. Since the seniors and juniors' break time were normally situated at different timings, he treasured every single recess that he shared with her. Just seeing her calmed his anxious heart. Since he came to like her, his heartbeats became clearer to him and it was a little painful every weekend when he didn't get to see her. The pain could only be soothed by seeing her face.

'Is this what they call lovesickness? It's unbelievably bitter-sweet.' Allen thought.

Often, Allen felt that what he did was really stalker-like. 'Would Lenalee feel freaked out if she realized that I was watching her so much? Would she feel scared? Would she hate me?'

Thus, in order to prevent her and himself from being hurt any longer, he decided to avoid her instead of trying to see her. He would not go near the cafeteria during the break time that he used to look forward to so much. But this only pained him even more. 'I want to see Lenalee, I want to see Lenalee, I want to – '

Just how many times had he repeated this sentence to himself?

* * *

"We have come to the end of the farewell assembly," Principal Hevlaska's words broke Allen's train of thought. "We offer our best wishes to the seniors and hope that they may do well in whatever they want to do in the near future."

Once that was said, the juniors who were watching the ceremony rushed to where the seniors were sitting to give them farewell gifts and their best wishes.

"Hey Allen, we are going to give this to Lenalee," Lavi said while pointing at the bouquet of flowers in Kanda's hands. "Wanna tag along?"

Allen shook his head. Even if that may be his last chance of seeing Lenalee again, he decided that not seeing her might be the better choice for him at that point.

"Tch, it's not like she would be coming to our high school anyway. We study at a boys' school now, rabbit head." Lavi and Kanda had graduated from the school quite some time back but they had decided to return to see Lenalee's farewell ceremony.

"It's okay Yuu-chan, Lenalee can pretend to be a guy like those characters in those gender-bender mangas. For some reason they are really popular lately…"

Allen left the two boys behind in the hall to argue among themselves as he wanted some time for his own.

The thought of never seeing Lenalee again was simply unbearable.

With those heavy feelings, he dragged his feet out of the school gate but immediately regretted the decision. A burning ache overwhelmed his entire chest. He secretly wished that he could see her face one last time. To witness that smile of hers that was never meant for him.

He detested himself for being such a selfish scum.

Just then, he realized his pockets were unusually empty. Something was wrong. He fumbled around his pocket and realized that his wallet was missing.

"Great, I left it in class. I have to go back to the school… which is where Lenalee still is…"

That feeling of wanting to meet Lenalee surfaced once more, but Allen knew that if he saw her again, he would definitely be unable to contain his emotions and start crying.

He walked swiftly back to his classroom and collected his wallet and left it in the same speed. As he walked down the corridor, he saw a figure with a pony tail in front of him.

It wasn't Lenalee.

The person standing there was Kanda. Allen frowned, realizing that. He was hoping that the person might be Lenalee instead.

"Tch, idiot Moyashi, have you seen the rabbit head around? That red ass ran off somewhere."

"Idiot Kanda, my name is Allen or is that information too hard to process?"

Allen saw an angry Kanda reaching for the foil sword ("Mugen", he called it) that he always carried around. Yeah, Kanda is a weirdo.

"Tch."

Allen, after deciding that he should do something to defend himself as well, took a boxing stance and got ready for battle.

Just then both of them heard a familiar sound from afar. It was Lavi.

"Yuu, where are youuu? Haha, Yuu and you sounds the same."

The pun was pretty cold.

"Tch. We will settle this some other time, Moyashi." Kanda said with a tinge of annoyance in his voice. "By the way… if you are looking for Lenalee, she's walking out of the school gate now."

"Huh? But how …"

"It's too f*cking obvious stalker Moyashi."

With that, Kanda turned around and headed towards Lavi's direction.

Allen remained at the same spot, half-stunned that his secret was revealed and half-confused about what he ought to do next.

Allen decided to head towards the school gate. He needed to head through there in order to go home anyway. If he saw her, then… he would think about what to do.

He headed down the stairs quickly and looked towards the direction of the school gate which was close to his class.

Was that who he thought it was?

Among a mass of girls stood a girl with a Japanese doll hairstyle, emerald green pupils and the distinct face that Allen Walker peaked at whenever he could.

That was definitely Lenalee.

Should he call out to her? Was it okay for him to confess? Just what should he do?

Just then, Lenalee suddenly turned towards the right. Their eyes met for a short moment before Lenalee turned back towards her peers and headed out of the school. She had not noticed him at all.

He continued watching her till she was no longer in sight. He absorbed that image deep into his mind. That was definitely the last time he was going to see Lenalee ever again.

He was so immersed in thinking about her that the rest of his senses simply faded away.

When he finally regained that, Allen realized that his collar was soaked and snot was dribbling out from his nostrils. His cheeks were wet and his eyes were incredibly sore. Despite all this, tears were continuously making its way out of his eyes.

He tried rubbing his eyes to stop the tears, but to no avail.

He tried slapping his eyes gently, but to no avail.

He tried beating his eyes forcefully, but to no avail

It was only then that he realized.

It was impossible for him to stop crying.

He loved Lenalee too much.

After this came into realization, Allen's body seemed to have sensed it as well. His face scrunched up and even more tears continued to flow out from his eyes as a loud wailing sound escaped from his mouth.

What a coward he was.

Allen simply sat there at the bottom of the stairs crying like a newborn baby till his tears dried up and his vocal chords could not produce any sound. After that, he coughed and coughed.

And then, he laughed.

* * *

**If you are thinking, "What's with the ending?" Don't worry, I think it's kinda weird too. To be honest, this fanfic is actually pretty personal to me. A senior of mine which I really respected have graduated and I have never spoke to her as well, haha ^^; I really wanted to be friends with her till the end though. Unlike Allen in the fic, I don't really have that kinda feelings for her but yeah I still cried and stuff when she graduated. Guess I'm pretty weird too... Anyway, as usual Emm297 helped me with the editing so yeah 3 cheers for her. *HIP HIP HOORAY X 3, yeahh :D" Please R&R :) And if you are wondering, the title 'Let Go' was based on the song by Frou Frou (Imogen Heap). Try listening to it if you can, it's a really touching song ^^  
**


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